I am not doing this very well.
I have not been writing much as of late. Busy schedule with work, the girls at school, Lisa, birthdays coming up for BOTH girls and we just had Mother’s Day.
Oh did I mention that I have a new job and I’m starting that in a couple weeks? Yeah that’s happening.
I mentioned to Lisa a while back after a successful run (meaning a run where my Garmin yelled at me the least it has ever yelled at me) that I thought it was successful due to having properly managed the transitions.
What I mean by this is that whenever things changed such as the slope or the terrain or even the wind becoming a headwind, I slowed down to let myself adjust. Normally I might just power up the hill or across the loose sand to try to maintain my pace but in this instance I mindfully slowed and maintained my heart rate instead of my desired pace.
I did well that day and I wish I could say I’ve kept it up but no. I’ve struggled with taking it slow in my running and in life in general.
I found this beauty just this morning. It is a pretty nice example of how people approach changes in their lives. This is a business model but it makes a lot of sense. I see three stages here:
- Something is ending/changing and I’m bitching about it.
- I’m not sure how I feel about the new thing so I’ll stay away/stay quiet.
- OK I’m still nervous about this new thing but it seems pretty cool.
Officially the three stages are listed as Ending, Neutral and Beginning but I think Bitching, Fuck Off and About Fucking Time! seem like appropriate labels as well. What can I say? I have a way with
I can easily apply this model to training by HR for my running. I was super excited to try it because I had an attachment to how fast I thought I was, how fit I thought I was. I was not happy with the reality that the Garmin (named AIDAN btw) kept reinforcing on me. AIDAN keeps telling me to slow my ass down. Sometimes the truth hurts.
I might be in the more Fuck Off (pronounced Neutral) stages currently. I ran the Zoo Half without the alerts on, which was good but I still was not happy with what I saw. Today I had a short time to run prior to heading off for the new job drug screen so I kept the alerts off and felt pretty good. I was kind of actually trying to run by feel and slow down when I felt I was going to hard. I was still above my target HR more often than not.
Work work work
So anyone following will know I just started a job in the PICU. Like 6 weeks ago just started. It’s a great job and if I were going to stay at the hospital I don’t think I could find a better place to be. The patients are small and easy to move. Their diapers are smaller and less gross and they generally get better and don’t call you naughty names or try to wrestle you to the ground to get away from that imagined wasp.
I am not staying at the hospital though. I have been offered and I have accepted a position in an on-site clinic for Sandia Labs. They are a big government contractor here in ABQ that EVERYONE loves. Seriously I’ve not heard anybody say anything bad about Sandia. Everyone knows someone who retired from there after 40 years and they pay great and the benefits and ….. It goes on.
Needless to say it is an amazing opportunity for me to dig into a solid and stable company that will support our family for a long time. Hopefully until a) I retire; 2) I win the lottery or d) I start making money working from home as a DnD writer/collaborator. I’m actually trying to figure that one out so just you wait….
It makes for an awkward time at the PICU though. I like it and I’m excited to learn what I can and help care for the kiddos but I know I’m not staying. I haven’t told them yet because honestly I’d stop working that day since I’m still on Orientation/probation and there is no need to teach me anything if I’m leaving. However we can’t afford to not have a paycheck for a couple weeks so I’m still going on as if nothing has changed.
I feel shitty about that. Not about leaving but about deceiving them. People there are kind and welcoming and they have really gone out of their way to ensure I am getting a good learning experience…which will benefit them not at all now.
I guess the point of all this is that I have a lot happening right now and while nothing is out of control things are perhaps just a bit beyond me at this point and I am as much riding the wave as I am steering the vessel. I can do better but I can do worse and I know it.
I look forward to less transitions happening and more stability. Got to keep putting one foot in front of the other to get there and keep myself focused on the bigger picture and not get all caught up in myself which has been my (selfish) tendency in the past.
Good luck this week folks.